¤ Turn on the auto-tune.
¤ Think of an ironic or modern name with txt speak or numbers.
¤ Never do the song by yourself, collaboration with another slightly familiar name is essential.
¤ Write lyrics in reference to drinking/drunk/dancing/partying. Lyrics making sense is not essential.
¤ Slot in mildly sexist remarks regarding girls booty or level of slutness.
¤ Lay down generic dance/techno beat behind lyrics, ensure lots of doof, ticka ticks & wew wews for playing loud in overpriced clubs with dirty toilets.
¤ Drop in random rapper about 2/3rds into song. Bonus points if they are white.
¤ Ask blind man to visit OP shop for clothing in preparation for video clip. Ask another blind man to style your hair.
¤ Set video clip in a club, more flashy lights & random dancers the better. Make viewers think ‘Omg I wnt 2 go 2 thr’.
¤ Keyboards get the girls. Possibly.
¤ Bonus points for the following: someone dances with no shirt on, females wearing less than 5% clothing, mirrored dance moves by club patrons or some comedic value to clip to make us go LOL.
¤ Release song & ensure it gets played constantly on commercial radio. Break the law for added publicity.
¤ Sit back & watch the $ roll in. Party like a rockstar & get lots of shiney new things.
¤ Attend clubs & browse YouTube to watch parody video of kids copying your moves & listen to remixes of your track.
¤ Collaborate on someone elses song, may have to make constant reference to your song so we know who you are.
¤ Wonder why no one recognises you 3 months later as you walk down the street.
